Saturday, January 31, 2009

A memorial to January

January; you brought me many gifts over the past 31 days. You brought me some very exciting hockey games. You brought me a little bit closer to my sister-in-law. You brought me more incite and knowledge. On the other hand you also brought with you a cycle of Provera which made me crabby and emotional. You brought with you the week of torture called AF. And for your final gift to me, you brought me my birthday today. Another birthday that I wish hadn't come just yet. Over all I would say that we had some good times and some bad times. As my gift to you I give you the 6 pounds that I lost during your time with me. May you take them far away so that I never have to see them again. I will always remember you as the month that I finally started to get it together and realize what my life is really about. While we did have our struggles, I will always remember you fondly.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Well it sure isn't fresh!

The other day my husband and I were discussing my upcoming birthday. I will be turning 28 years old. I was kind of down for a number of reasons. I was still quite emotional from this latest round of Provera. In addition, I tend to look at each birthday as another failed attempt at the life that I have always wanted. I don't have any kids yet and all I seem to have to show for this 28 years of life is a whole lot of debt and a job that I don't like. I looked at my husband and said "look at me...I'm just an old fart." He replied with a very straight face "you are a bunch of stale air from the bum?" Not fully understanding what he had said I repeated back to him "a bunch of stale air?" and he said "well it sure isn't fresh!"

It is moments like these that I know I am truly blessed. No matter what the situation, my husband can always help me find the humor in it.

Monday, January 19, 2009

20 sticks of butter

I have lost almost 5 pounds so far this month/year.  Taking it one week at a time seems to be doing rather well so I will continue doing things that way and hopefully in the end that 5 pounds will begin to multiply.  Sometimes thinking that it is only 5 pounds and knowing how much I really need to loose can get me down so I developed this imaging technique.  When you buy a box of butter it generally comes in 1 pound boxes split into 4 sticks.  So for each pound I loose I am technically loosing 4 sticks of butter right?  So by loosing 5 pounds I have in essence lost 20 sticks of butter.  I then picture myself with all of those sticks of butter taped to my body in various places.  It really helps me realize how much of an accomplishment 5 pound really is. My goal...adding another 10 sticks to that week at a time.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

They have pills for that?!?

I work in a small office with only 3 other employees, two of which are female.  One of the girls is a little bit younger than me and the other is about the same age as my mom. When our boss (the only male) is out of the office we tend to banter about anything and everything including those personal female things.  Most of the time it is just me and the younger girl that are talking but occasionally the older one will join in.  

On Thursday I took my first dose of Provera for this months induced "cleansing" cycle.  I don't know about anyone else that has taken Provera but I usually end up having major PMS with it so I have dubbed Provera the "B" pill.  When I took this first dose I apologized up front to my two female coworkers and told them to please forgive me if I am extremely moody over the next week.  The younger one just kind of laughed at me because she knew what I was talking about from previous conversations, the older one just kind of looked at me with this quizzical look on her face.  I went on to explain to the older one that I had to take a cycle of pills that turn me into a real Bi*ch.  She became very quiet and after a few seconds of this quiet contemplation asked "They have pills for that?"

Sunday, January 4, 2009

A New Year...A New Woman?

I have done a lot of soul searching and I have formulated one single resolution for this year.  It is something very personal and I hold it in my heart like a fragile egg.  I fear that if I were to say it out loud to anyone other than my husband, I would be tarnishing it. It is the purist wish I have ever made, and I intend on doing everything that I can to achieve it.

In order to obtain this goal, I am going to use my newly found method of taking one week at a time. I have identified each of the steps that I need to complete and then broken those steps down into manageable pieces that can each be handled in single week increments.  This week my goals are as follows:

1. Log everything that I put into my mouth.
2. Exercise for 30 min. at least 3 days this week.
3. Take my medications every day
4. Complete all of my school assignments for this week.
5. Complete 7 pages of the book I am currently working on
6. Create and review our budget for this month.

It may sound weird, but this year has brought something new with it for me.  It smells different...sounds different.  I feel like 2009 holds something very precious within it's grasp, but I have to be ready and willing to accept what it brings...the good and the bad.  I feel myself changing already....who am I going to be when 2009 ends?  Only time will tell.