Can I do it? Yes I can!

I've been thinking a lot about this weight loss thing. It seems like every time that I try to loose weight, I fail miserably. I start out with all the motivation in the world but I can't seem to hold on to it. I am gearing up to try again but I have no idea what is going to happen. I do have some tricks up my sleeve for this round and I am hoping that these will help me stick to it this time.

My first trick is that I am looking at weight loss as my current IF treatment. I may not be doing an IUI or IVF, but I am doing something. My body didn't respond at all to medications when I went to an RE a few years ago. My RE told me that my only chance to get pregnant was to loose weight. I think that I have completely lost touch with this reality. Something inside of me just keeps hoping that even though I have failed at loosing weight, I will still meraculously become pregnant one day. I now know that this just isn't going to happen. It is up to me to make it happen.

My second trick is that I am going to take a page out of the "pregnant lady" book. Have you ever noticed that almost all pregnant people take "belly shots" throughout their pregnancy? They start with that little bump and then grow into big tummies about ready to pop. I know that one of my SILs did this with hers and I think that the other one did to (did you?). Anyway, I am going to do this too, but for weight loss instead. I am going to start with a picture of my big belly and hope that as the weeks go on it will get smaller and smaller. With no further ado...here are my starting pics. (By the way it took some major guts to post these...I get tears in my eyes just looking at them)

Motivation Can Be Found in Some Very Unpleasant Places

This may sound terrible to some of you...but, on occasion when I am out and I see someone that I think is extremely overweight I compare myself to them by asking the person I am with if I am that big too. I know that I am overweight and that I have a long way to go before I am at a healthy weight, but for some reason, it makes me feel better to hear my hubby or my mom say that I am not "that bad." Well, I guess you could say that turn about is fair play.

The hubby and I were out at a restaurant this weekend. We had finished our meal and were standing up to leave. Our table was pushed up really close to a wall and I couldn't get out the other way because of another table that had people sitting at it. I slid off of my chair and slowly squeezed myself through the gap between the table and the wall. As we were passing the other table that was close to ours the woman leaned over to her husband and said "I'm not really that big am I?"

It didn't know whether I wanted to throw up everything I had just eaten or just sit down in the middle of the floor and start bawling. Fortunately I did neither; but I did come out of the experience with some serious motivation for loosing weight. I hope to never forget that moment there in the restaurant. With that memory and with the knowledge that my weight is preventing me from having children, I am hoping to push myself toward the breaking point where I can finally commit to loosing the weight once and for all.

Standing Still

I have been married just over seven years. The day I got married I was standing on an island in the middle of a rushing river. I saw my marriage as the boat that would get me off that island and take me to all of the places in my dreams. It would take me through the rapids of motherhood, the tranquil waters of safety and security, and out onto the hidden lake of accomplishment.

We boarded our boat and asked the river to take us toward our dreams. Only the rapids of motherhood quickly began to fog over until they could no longer be seen. Large boulders of debt began to block the way toward the tranquil waters of safety and security until there were too many to navigate around. The hidden lake of accomplishment lies on the other side of the tranquil waters and remains hidden behind ever growing self doubt and fear. As the ability to ever reach any of our dreams seems to grow farther and farther away we look up to find we are still beached on the same island we were on when we boarded our boat.

I have been married just over seven years. I am still sitting in the same place I was the day I got married; on an island in the middle of a rushing river. Waiting. Forever waiting, for my chance to dip my oars into the water and experience the true powers of life.

Our Chicken Doesn't Lay Eggs

Yesterday we had an early Mother's Day get together with my in laws. Generally my hubby's family is pretty content with just us being there and they don't bring up the fact that we don't have kids. My BIL was joking around and mentioned that we needed to adopt a little girl (long story as to how it came up; no need to go over it here).

Later, during dinner, the subject surfaced again. My SILs husband kind of looked at us with that question in his eyes. I basically just came out and said "it is most likely that we are going to have to adopt if we are going to have children." He replied that he thought we were going to use a surrogate. (We have had three women offer to be a surrogate for us, including his wife, and I think that is where this idea came from.) I sat there for a minute and then leaned over to my hubby and asked him how I should explain the situation without his mother getting offended by the "table conversation" and also to prevent an awkward moment due to the children that were within ear shot. I ended up going with this: "It isn't the oven that is broken. We just don't have all the ingredients to bake a cake."

I thought that this was very creative if I do say so myself...but apparently my hubby felt that I had left something out so he added "Our chicken doesn't lay eggs."