Friday, November 11, 2011

Where did the magic go?

As Halloween approached this year I just couldn't get into it at all. I tried decorating but only the fall decorations made me happy...nothing Halloween at all. I couldn't figure it out. Usually Halloween is the first of the holidays each year that I actually go all out with on the decorations. Halloween came and went and that day all I wanted was for the day to be over. I had an uneasy feeling the entire day and I couldn't put my finger on it.

I was sitting here this morning catching up on some past posts when suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks. 2 years ago on Halloween my husband was admitted to the hospital and diagnosed with diabetes. Even though he was released from the hospital a few days later and he didn't pass away until the end of February, I think that somewhere in my subconscious thoughts I have labeled that day as being the beginning of the end. The day he was diagnosed with the disease that would eventually lead to that blood clot that took him away from me.

The holiday season used to mean so much to me and I can already feel myself backing away from the idea of Thanksgiving too. I have received 4 invitations to different places for Thanksgiving and I haven't been able to accept any of them. Last year I expected to have a hard time through the holidays because they were my first without him. But this year, I thought that I would be able to let myself feel the magic again and I am disappointed to find that it seems the magic died the day Wayne did.

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