Saturday, May 14, 2011

Glimmers of a Plan

There has been a lot going through my mind lately.  So much that I haven't really known where to even start in regards to trying to figure everything out.  Last night I tossed and turned all night long.  I guess in a way it was my brain's way of telling me that it was time.  So, when I woke up at 4 in the morning and couldn't go back to sleep, I let my mind wander through all of the problems and issues and wouldn't you know...I found a place to start.

Lately, I have been considering moving back to Utah...a lot.  I miss my family so much that it hurts sometimes.  I feel like I am missing out on all the wonderful things going on in their lives.  I told everyone that I would be making my decision in July, but I think everyone kind of suspects that the decision has already been made.  I guess in some ways, I kind of thought the decision had been made as well, I just didn't want to announce anything.

I am glad that I followed my instinct not to make any announcements because I finally got the answer to my prayers this morning and it isn't what I was planning on.  I will be staying in Indiana for a while longer.  There is a reason why I have been separated from my family for this time in my life.  This is a time that has been set aside for me to learn some very valuable lessons in life.  I have been fighting these lessons, just waiting for the chance to run back home.  I need to learn how to embrace these challenges and lessons.  Only then will I truly be ready to go back. And if I have learned the lessons properly I won't actually be running anymore, I will be returning with a purpose and a plan.

With the decision made to stay here in Indiana, all of  my problems and issues have started to lay themselves out before me.  I can actually see where they are all connected and how working on the first will automatically start helping with the second and so on.  I haven't been able to see this pattern before and now that I have a plan is starting to take form.  And wouldn't you know...it all still fits in with my discarded Butterfly Project.  I started that project with good intentions but my follow through was severely lacking and the project fell by the wayside and I regressed right back to where I was when I started.

It is time to pick myself back up for real this time and get moving again.  The sooner I get this over with, the sooner I get to go back to Utah.  And yes...I do realize that that sentence in and of itself proves that I'm not ready to go back yet and that I have a lot of work to do.

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