Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Answers

The night that Wayne passed away I called the bishop over to our house to give him a blessing.  In the blessing the bishop clearly stated that the doctors hands would be blessed and that Wayne would heal over the next few weeks.  Shortly after that, we called 911 and the ambulance came and picked him up.  He stopped breathing and his heart stopped as they were unloading him from the ambulance at the hospital and he never regained consciousness.

In time I was able to feel some peace with why he had to go.  I was given little messages that let me know he was needed on the other side and that it had been his time to go.  But, I have really struggled on and off wondering why our Heavenly Father had lied to us both in that blessing.  I have been told that there are many interpretations of blessings and we often hear what we want to hear rather than what the true meaning is, but this blessing was so clear and precise that no matter how hard I tried I hadn't been able to come up with a single interpretation other than the obvious one....he had lied.

For the most part, I have been able to put this out of my mind.  I know that my Heavenly Father loves me and Wayne and that if he lied he had a very good reason to do it.  But, every once in a while the thoughts creep out of my mind and I have to examine them once again before I can put them away for the next time.  One of these times happened this morning while I was getting ready for work....only this time instead of having to hide it away again I was blessed with an answer to my question.

When Wayne was given that blessing, he already knew that he wasn't going to make it.  He already knew that he was being called home.  I think in some ways he asked for that blessing more for my sake than his own.  He was so sick that he couldn't speak and he couldn't tell me what I needed to know. He didn't want to leave me or his family.  He wanted to stay and it broke his heart that he was being asked to leave even though he knew that there were great blessing waiting for him on the other side. 

The doctors hands were blessed.  They worked so hard to help him and just because they weren't able to bring him back doesn't mean that they failed in doing what they were meant to do.  And he did heal over the next few weeks, only in a different way than I had interpreted the blessing to mean.  It took time for him to come to terms with the fact that he had to leave us all behind and move on without us.  He didn't want to see his family hurting and it hurt him to have to stand by and watch as we struggled through our loss and not be able to hold us and tell us that it would all be okay.  He was grieving just as much as we were, if not more.  We only lost one member of our family...he lost us all.  But he has come to terms with his loss and he is working really hard on the other side of the veil, waiting for the day when we can all be together again.

That blessing was 100% truth...Heavenly Father doesn't lie.

No comments: