Monday, January 25, 2010

Letting Go and Moving On

I have been working on this post for over a is a hard one. Mostly because I am conflicted. I feel at peace but at the same time I also feel a bitter sting.

I finally spoke with my hubby about being on different pages. He said that he didn't think we really were on different pages; rather I just wasn't listening to him when he did talk. So, I listened to him. I found that we are in fact on different pages, but that it is mostly my fault because I wasn't listening to him. I was moving forward with decisions regarding our lives and our family when he wasn't ready. I had (have) a timeline that I was (am) obsessed over and I let that take control.

During our conversation, I found out that he isn't (we aren't) ready to have children right now. We were ready 8 years ago but when it didn't happen we made some decisions that placed us in a position where having children right now would be extremely impractical. When he really made me look at our situation, I knew that he was right. We really do need to focus on some other areas of our lives before we can go back to trying for children. We have decided that right now we need to focus our attention on improving our health and our financial situation.

So, for the time being we are no longer trying to have or adopt children. This isn't to say that we aren't going to try again down the road. I know that there are children out there for us. I don't know when or how they will come into our family but I do know that they are out there...somewhere.


Christine Dallimore said...

OOOOh that feeling just stinks doesn't it??? I understand exactly how you feel. I'm kind of there right along with ya! :0)
I have also learned though that when the time is right doors will be opened like you wouldn't believe. It's just HARD waiting for those doors. I'm here for you anytime you need it!!!! Sending BIG {{HUGS}}....

the misfit said...

As hard as I have found it in my wrestling with "never," I can't imagine how difficult it must be to contend with "maybe a lot later." It seems to me that you could take this part of the journey as entirely looking up - a path from triumph to triumph as you conquer all the obstacles you need to pass one at a time, hand in hand, and march on confidently toward the next big step. Having a rather blacker heart than you, I think I might be inclined to take it as exile, but I think you're more hopeful and joyful. I think you'll do it right.