Every year it seems that I make resolutions along with everyone else that involve loosing weight or getting out of debt, or having children by the end of the year, etc. etc. etc. This year I decided to look deep down inside and come up with a resolution that actually means something. I want to achieve something that matters eternally...something that I can take with me after I am done here on earth.
Once I started looking inside myself, I was shocked at what I found. I found that I have absolutely no self respect, no self worth, and no self confidence. To be honest, I don't know if I have ever had any of these things; if I have I surely don't remember when it was. I realized that I can't expect anyone else to respect, love, or find me of worth if I don't have these feelings for myself. So, it turns out that my resolution for 2010 will be the hardest challenge (or mountain) that I have ever attempted.
In order to climb this extremely large mountain, I have broken up my life into 6 pieces: Physical, Emotional, Spiritual, Work, School, and Home. Each month I will set a goal that involves each of these aspects of my life; all with the specific purpose of helping me develop love, respect, and confidence in myself. There will be no goals of weight loss this year; no goals of sizes reduced. If there is one thing that I have learned in my life so far, it is that tomorrow really never does come. I can't keep telling myself that I will love myself once I have lost weight, or once I have succeeded in becoming a mother. I need to embrace today, and make the most of it.
So, here are my goals for January...
Physical: I will take my prescribed medications every day. It is time that I start taking my health seriously and make living a priority.
Emotional: I will make one decision each day that is based on my own needs or wants rather than always putting my desires on the back burner. My opinions are valid and if I truly respect myself, I will acknowledge my opinions instead of always squashing them.
Spiritual: I will attend all of my church meetings during the month of January. If I am out of town, I will find a church in that area and attend. I can't expect my spirit to be fed if I am not taking it to the feast.
Work: I will put in a bigger effort to complete all of my tasks each day. I may not like my job all that much but I always feel better about myself when I know that I have put forth my very best effort even if the task is as mundane as filing.
School: I will get all of my assignments done on time and strive to get full credit. Once again, I always feel better when I know that I have done my best work. I also feel that gaining as much knowledge as I can will be a good investment in myself.
Home: I will get the kitchen completely clean and keep it that way by spot cleaning each day. I can be a good housekeeper and I am fully capable of taking care of my home. I just need to prove it to myself instead of telling myself that it is impossible.