To preface this post, I first have to explain about something that has been going on that you aren't aware of because I haven't been blogging. I've mentioned it in passing before, but never in great detail. About 8 years ago I started loosing my hair. It was only in small quantities and I didn't really notice it too much. I knew that my hair was getting thinner, but it wasn't bad enough to bother me all that much. Over the past 2 years this has gotten extremely worse and when pictures are taken of me now, my hair is so thin and my hairline is so far receded that it looks like I have practically no hair at all. In an effort to try and stop the hair loss process and potentially even reverse it my doctor referred me to my very first endocrinologist. I saw her for the first time about 3 months ago and she did a bunch of tests. I was re-diagnosed with PCOS. She changed all of my medications and wanted to immediately refer me for weight loss surgery but I talked her into giving me some more time to try to lose it on my own. I don't have the money for the surgery and my insurance won't cover it. It was a far from pleasant experience let me tell you. Yesterday was my follow up appointment...and I haven't even started losing yet.
Yesterday I was told that I am killing myself. I was told that in a matter of months I will be a full blown diabetic. I was told that my risk of complications is much greater than that of others. I was told that there is no pill that will fix my problems and unless I decide to do something about it, I will basically kill myself.
So, I guess now is about the time that I have to start pulling some of those things off of the back burner. The problem is that I just don't know where to start. The obvious place would be to start with the weight loss, but I don't have the foggiest clue how to do it. It seems like I have tried everything but I can never stick to it. I just don't have the strength or the will power to stick it out. I don't want to do this but I can't just not do it either. I don't want to fail again.