Friday, December 31, 2010

Empty Arms

Last year at this time, I sat in the arms of a man who loved me and thought that I was beautiful.  Our goals for the new year held hope for our future together.  We spoke of getting our health in order and of finding a way to have children some day. We talked about our jobs and finding a way to obtain a better financial outlook.  We even made plans of writing a book together.  Our dreams and our plans were entwined together; two people planing their future as one.

Today, I sit alone in the arms of no one.  The sky outside my window is dark.  A fog rests over the ground and the window is spotted by lightly falling rain. I will be sitting here, in this same spot tonight as the year draws it's final breath and moves on to the next.  Gone is the man who loved me and thought I was beautiful.  Gone are the dreams of having children of my own.

Deep down somewhere inside I know that there is a reason why I have been asked to endure these trials and this pain, but I can't tell you what that reason is because I have yet to find out for myself.  I can tell you though, that immediately after I wrote that second paragraph, the sun burst through the clouds and the fog outside started to lift.  Some people may call that an odd coincidence...I call it a sign.  Through all of these trials I have never once felt unloved by my Heavenly Father.

I want to share with you a slide show that I made last year a few weeks before Christmas.  At the time I was grieving for the children that I hadn't yet been blessed with. All I wanted was to have a child of my own that I could share the wonders of Christmas with.  I found comfort in the words of the song, and even though I have now had my wonderful husband taken from me as well, I am still able to find some comfort here.  The song is called Mary Let Me Hold Her Baby by Michael McLean.  The pictures are all taken by me (except for the few that have me in them). I hope that maybe, it can bring some comfort to someone else who's arms are aching this New Years Eve.

1 comment:

St. Rita's Roses said...

Your posts make me feel so many emotions. You should write that book! I loved your video- the song is beautiful and I am praying for you today.....God Bless you.